What to Do When You're Dating a Jew
In fact, there are 600,000 reasons for everything, according to the Zohar* . But that doesn’t stop most Jews from being know-it-alls.
THE MOST IMPORTANT PRAYER IN JUDAISM The Sh’ma is the Jewish affirmation of faith, recited in the morning and before going to bed. Jews are also supposed to say the Sh’ma as their last words before dying: “Hear O Israel, the Lord is our God. The Lord is one. Blessed is his glorious kingdom forever and ever.”
THE GOLDEN RULE OF JUDAISM If I am not for myself, who will be for me? And if I am only for myself, what am I? And if not now, when? Rabbi Hillel, Ethics of the Fathers 1:14
Praying is half of it. Love for other people, usually manifested by good works or gemilut hasidim (acts of loving kindness), is the rest of it.
Women wear wigs or hats because the Talmud says that a religious woman should cover her hair so as not to inspire lust in men.
Orthodox men and boys over the age of thirteen also wear tefillin (pronounced “te-fill-in”), two black leather cubes with long leather straps, during daily morning prayer.
When was the last time you saw a Jewish monk? How about a nun? If you’ve ever seen one, you’re meshuggener—“crazy” in Yiddish. There’s no such thing. Withdrawing from the community, as monks and nuns do at least to a certain degree, goes against the Jewish tradition.
Jews believe that people who fully participate in the life around them best achieve holiness. Help the sick, feed the poor, support the fallen but do so while you raise a family, for God’s sake.
Built over seven years by King Solomon, the Temple was ancient Israel’s center of religion and culture. It served as the Jews’ central place of worship for almost four hundred years, until it was destroyed by the Babylonians in 586 B.C.E. A Second Temple was built in 516 B.C.E. The Romans destroyed it in C.E. 70. The only part of it that is left is the Western Wall, which is the Jews’ holiest site in Jerusalem. The Temple is not to be rebuilt until the Messianic Age.
Yom Kippur is the only prescribed fast day in the Torah. Almost all the other fasts commemorate major calamities that have befallen the Jewish people.
The exceptions are the two most popular fasts: Yom Kippur and Tisha B’av. They go from sunset to sunset.
Holidays: Rosh Hashanah, Yom Kippur, Sukkoth, Passover, Shevuoth Festivals: Hanukkah, Purim, Yom Ha-Atzmaut, Tu B’Shvat Fasting Days: Yom Kippur, Fast of Esther, Fast of Gedaliah, Fast of the Tenth of Tevet, Fast of the Seventeenth of Tammuz, Fast of the Ninth of Av
“L’Shanah tova tikatevu,” means “May you be inscribed for a good year,” or just “Shanah tova,” meaning “Happy New Year.” Saying “Happy New Year” in English will also do. Also “Gut yontif” means “Happy Holiday” in Yiddish.
Rosh Hashanah is traditionally regarded as the first day of Creation.
Since biblical times, the shofar has been used to announce great events. It is supposed to convey the mood of the Israelites standing at the foot of Mount Sinai when God gave Moses the Torah and, of course, the Ten Commandments. It is still used in Israel to announce the coming of the Sabbath and a new president’s inauguration.
There is a special ceremony on Rosh Hashanah held on the water’s edge called Tashlich, “the casting out of sins.” People write their sins of the past year on pieces of paper and toss them into the water.
It’s said that on Rosh Hashanah the sound of the shofar reaches the ears of God and reminds Him to open the Book of Life. According to legend, in this book God writes everyone’s destiny for the year to come. God decides who will be rich and who will be poor, who will rise up in the world and who will fall down, who will be peaceful and who will be miserable.
in the marginVery similar to islam
THINGS TO DO IN TEMPLE 1. Tie macramé knots in the prayer book ribbon. Untie knots. Repeat.
There once was a rabbi who was a compulsive golfer. It was such a problem that one Yom Kippur, he stole out of the house early in the morning to catch a quick nine holes by himself. An angel happened to notice and immediately alerted his superior that a grievous sin was being committed on Earth. On the sixth hole, God caused a mighty wind to take the ball directly from the tee to the cup for a miraculous and dramatic hole in one. The angel was horrified. “Lord,” he said, “you call this a punishment?” “Sure,” answered God with a smile. “Who can he tell?”
in the marginLmfao tell lindsey this joke
In the Al Chet, a prayer said on Yom Kippur, Jews ask for forgiveness for a multitude of sins:
As a non-Jew, you will be a seder target. Most seders have at least one non-Jewish guest. They actually seem to be interested in the seder. The official reason for inviting non-Jews is to remember how we were strangers in the land of Egypt.
The Seder Plate The most prominent item on the table is the seder plate. It is usually large and decorated with Passover symbols. These plates can run the gamut from family heirlooms to kindergarten art projects. The seder plate includes a variety of symbolic, albeit unappetizing, foods: The shank bone represents the animal sacrifice the Israelites made in ancient times. Karpas is any green vegetable to represent spring and the renewal of life. It also another reminder of the poor diet the slaves had in Egypt. It is dipped into salt water to represent the bitter tears of slavery. Parsley is almost always the karpas of choice. Take a nibble to get rid of that pesky gefilte fish breath. The roasted or hard-boiled egg (still in shell), the beitzah, represents Israel. Like eggs that become harder as they cook, Jews say that they toughen their resolve during times of trouble. It is also a symbol of fertility. Finally, it is a sign of mourning and therefore a reminder of the destruction of the Holy Temples. Maror, bitter herbs, usually a piece of horseradish, symbolize the bitterness of slavery. Seder participants are also supposed to think of the bitterness of the life of those living in communities that are not allowed to practice Judaism. Charoset, a mixture of apples, nuts, wine, and cinnamon, represents the mortar the slaves used to make bricks for the Egyptian pyramids. This actually tastes pretty good and is spread between matzah for a sandwich.
The Afikoman There is always a plate on the seder table with three matzahs wrapped in a special cover or linen. The middle matzah, the afikoman, mysteriously disappears from the stack during the first part of the seder. Later, the children tear up the house in search of it. When it is found, the afikoman is sold back to the leader of the seder for a small price. This not only allows the seder to be completed but teaches Jewish children important bargaining skills early in life.
in the marginThis is cool
ALMOND MACAROONS Yield 40 ½ teaspoon almond extract 4 egg whites, at room temperature, beaten stiff but not dry ½ pound finely ground blanched almonds ½ cup sugar toasted slivered almonds for garnish Add almond extract to beaten whites. Mix almonds with sugar and slowly fold into whites. Pipe or spoon onto oiled wax paper–lined baking sheets. Top with slivered almonds. Bake at 300 degrees for 30–40 minutes or until lightly browned.
The rabbis who codified Jewish law in the Talmud felt that it was better to focus on the oil and the freedom to light the menorah in the Temple than on the military victory. The goal of the Jews is really to be free, not to triumph. Thus, most of the holiday talk is of the menorah and the oil rather than of the battle. Today, in celebration, American and European Jews fry potato pancakes, or latkes, in vats of oil. With a similar disregard for their cholesterol intake, Israelis eat jelly doughnuts, or sufganiyot (pronounced suf-gan-ee-yote). Both greasy delights symbolize the Maccabees’ victory and miracle oil.